My clear journey

Contrary to what some of you might have expected this is not a heroic account of a battle I fought or something really gallant. This is my story of how I fought and survived acne. Yes, acne. Now, many of you might call this exaggeration but those of you who have been through this will understand my struggle and hopefully relate to it.

I have spoken openly about this to a few close friends and never did I imagine that I would be willing to share something so personal and allow myself to open up on a public domain. But it is rightly said that in vulnerability you find your strength. So if by allowing myself to be vulnerable, by sharing my experience, journey and mistakes, I can help even one person going through similar things, it will be worth it. Reading about other people’s struggles and connecting to them helped me get through my acne, so as I write this, I hope it helps you get through yours.

They say inner beauty is what matters but I know how hard it is to remember that every morning when you’re brushing your teeth and doing your best to avoid looking in the mirror.  I have always been a girl with a high self-esteem, tipping towards self-obsession. Good grades,  big friend circle, chirpy personality, I had it all but when my face blotted with red marks, I couldn’t help but feel incompetent.

So let us go back to when it started. At 14 years of age I started showing signs of very mild acne. I zit or two here but that was it. Mom said it was because of the genetics maybe so I thought I’ll grow out of it once the puberty stage was over.  Three years later, I was 17 and I still hadn’t grown out of it. What was earlier just a couple of pimples had not turned to painful severe acne, scarring my face and my self- confidence. By this time I had tried everything from creams, antibiotics, gels, facials, ayurvedic medicines and much more. Nothing seemed to work on the stubborn acne.

I was losing patience and hope. What started out as a common teenage nuisance had now turned into a major life problem for me.

I avoided looking people in the eye.

I made excuses to stay at home.

Being a dancer I spent a lot of time in front of the mirror. With my hair pulled back tightly and my face glistening with a thin sheen of sweat, my skin looked worse than ever. I felt distracted and embarrassed and tried my best to suppress the urge to skip dance class. Acne was starting to get in the way of the thing I loved doing the most - dance. But did I let it? NO.

Finally I decided to face my fear of visiting a dermatologist. He spoke to me and questioned me about my acne and then asked me to get a couple of blood tests done.

Blood tests for acne? That’ was my reaction as well. But given how desperate I was to find a cure I was willing to do anything.

And guess what, the blood tests found the real culprit. Polycystic ovary syndrome.

It wasn’t as bad it sounds. Basically it’s a hormonal disorder causing enlarged ovaries and cysts on the edges. Nothing major, but the main effects of it are acne and weight gain. While I didn’t gain weight I sure did face the wrath of the other symptom.

So I actually didn’t have “bad skin”. I just had ovaries which sucked at being ovaries and disrupted all my hormonal balance and caused acne.

This gave me hope. My acne was curable it seemed. Following a strict 

medication for PCOD as well as a complex beauty regime to keep acne under 

control, I started to see improvement.

I had to change my diet drastically and trust me that was the hardest part but worth it. Every little bit counted. It took a lot of self- control and dedication but it happened. After 5 months of my treatment, for the first time in 3 years I looked in the mirror to see a glowing clear face staring back at me.

My skin isn’t flawless or completely clear. I still have breakouts and I still have 

scars on my face but I’ve come a long way. Physically and emotionally. 

The struggle has been real but the whole process has helped me grow into a 

stronger person. I learnt a lot from this journey and here is what I want you 

guys to take away from it-

1.       Do not lose hope – Most of you would be thinking oh that’s easy for her to say but hey, I’ve been there and that is why I can say with complete confidence that acne is curable. It will go away. It might take months, years but it is not permanent. Patience is the key to success and also the key to get rid of acne so hang in there!

2.       Do not let it hold you back- Don’t let acne stop you from doing things you would do without it. Acne does not define you. Imagine all the things you can do with that beautiful mind of yours.

3.       Visit a dermatologist- getting professional advice always help. Yes, dermatologists and expensive but in the long run the benefits exceed the cost by a huge margin.  I regret not seeing a dermatologist earlier. Learn from my mistakes and go book an appointment for tomorrow

4.       DO NOT PICK YOUR SKIN-  seriously, put your hand down right now. Get it tattooed on your hand, painted on your wall, do anything to remember those five words. Most of my acne is gone but the scars still remain and that is only because I didn’t listen to other’s advice telling me not to pick my skin. As tempting as it may seem do not touch your pimples. Your unsterilized hands spread the bacteria more and push it deeper into your skin. I know  your skin hasn’t been nice to you but please show some mercy!

5.       Do not make fun of people-  This might sound like the kind of stuff you teacher told you in kindergarten but it is sad how most of the people forget this. Please never judge anyone. You don’t know what someone is going through or the hardships they are facing. Never make fun of someone based on their looks because you never know, your one comment might tear them down. I pretended as if the “harmless jokes” or comments made by my friends never bothered me when the reality was that they sometimes made me cry. But all that being said, every single statement has contributed in making me stronger.

6.       Focus on the basics-  never underestimate the power of hygiene. Wash your face and hands often, use clean towels cut your nails, eat healthy. Take care of your body and mind. A happy and healthy mind does lead to a healthy  body, and face.

Acne isn’t fatal. I know the shame, pain and frustration that severe can brings. I understand the social problems and self- esteem issues that come with it. I know about loathing your own face and loathing everyone else who has perfect skin.

But I also know better than to let it take over my life and decisions. I had a chance to find myself again. The change was gradual but I learnt how to accept my insecurities instead of shying away from them.

I wasn’t going to let acne affect my decisions anymore. Why? Because it is only a pimple for crying out loud! Acne is ridiculous but there are like a million worse things that could happen to you. Feel thankful you weren’t born with two left feet. I am not saying that fussing over acne is irrational, it is normal and justified to feel angry but it not okay to let is take over your life.

I am at the top of my class, I’ve got amazing friends and a very loving family, I hold one of the top most office positions In my school, I am a dancer, I am funny and I’ve got plenty of followers on Instagram. As narcissist as this makes me sound, after all of that how long would I let a couple of bumps on my face define me?

I have spent a long time feeling worthless about zits on my face but not anymore. My skin isn’t perfect but it is mine. Do not spend time worrying about things that aren’t actually in your control. Shit happens and so do pimples. And that doesn’t make you imperfect. I learn a lot through this journey and I wish you did too. Don’t worry, you got this.

Life is hard but so very beautiful. And I am beautiful and you are beautiful.

My last advice to all those who kept up with me till here-  DRINK LOTS OF WATER. I would bet al my money of it. It works wonders.

 Some FAAQs-

 ( Frequently asked acne questions. It is not a typo)

v  What medication worked for you ?

Ø  Every skin type reacts differently to various medicines. Hormonal medication was a life saver for me because of PCOD. Other than that, topical creams and gels recommended by my dermatologists and medicated face wash made a positive difference. I would also like to add that do not judge the effectiveness of a medicine two weeks after using it. Give it time. The process of clearing up your skin is slow and most medicines worsen your acne before actually working on removing them so if you see increased breakouts after trying a new medicine then it is normal but if this continues then go see your dermatologist again!

v  Will the acne scars go away ?

Ø  I told you not to pick your skin. The permanency of a scar depends of the level of scarring. Red and purplish marks take time to fade away but they do go away with the help of creams and gels whereas raised scars or pits usually need to be treated with lasers.

v  What is the biggest catalyst to acne breakouts?

Ø  It is so different for everyone and it could be possibly anything. For me it was usually stress, sugar, oily food , lack of sleep and menstrual cycle. Some people break out more because of caffeine! It can be anything, you need to observe and understand your body.

v  Did you use makeup? If yes, did it worsen your skin?

Ø  Yes I used makeup but only on special occasions and not on a regular basis to cover up my skin. I carefully chose what all makeup products I used and made sure they were from a reputed brand and suitable for acne prone skin. I would recommend brands like Neutrogena and Clinique for makeup for irritated skin. Also do not forget to thoroughly remove your makeup.

v  How many times a day do you wash your face?

Ø  I am obsessed with washing my face. I use a very mild herbal cleanser in the morning and my medicated face wash in the evening. Other than this I wash my face with water as many times as possible. But do not use too many products or else you will dry out your face too much and also destroy the natural oils which help your skin to heal

v  How did you educate yourself about treating acne?

Ø  Two things-  my experience and learning from other people’s experience. After having tried  everything, I learnt a great deal about what works and what doesn’t. I read a lot of blogs written by people who went through the same. It helps. It feels like you’re a part of a large community or a group who share their journey and mistakes with each other.

v  When is the right time to see a dermatologist?

Ø  A lot of acne is just a normal effect of hormones and puberty and goes away on its own but when you start having painful pimples or more frequent breakouts then it Is always advisable to visit a dermatologist. They are harmless, no needles involved.

If any of you have any more questions then feel free to drop them below or email them to me, I would love to answer them! Thank you for listening to me and I hope this gives you some assurance.

We are all in this together.

With love,

Neharika